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G.I. Joe Rise of the Cobra fails to rise to any expectations and falls short in almost every way that you can think of. Painful to play and dull to watch, I struggle to gleam any glimmer of hope from a game that was doomed from the start and even then fell further than it should.
I usually feel bad when I pre-judge a game before playing it. 'I'll give this game a chance to prove me wrong', I usually think to myself. And rarely I am proved wrong and a game of greatness appears. This is not one of those times.
Many film to video game conversions are rushed through development in order to maximise profit by being released at the same time as the movie - this we know and accept. My guess would be that this was the case with G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra.
The problem is that it's tedious and, badly executed, for all its third person shooter aspirations. It breaks no new ground and unless you're an adamant fan of the series you will have a hard time to finding anything nice to say about it.
Maybe you don't like it but my kids will enjoy this.
You may think 'well maybe you don't like it but my kids will enjoy this, it's a kid's game after all?' I'm afraid not even that is true. Firstly let me save you some money and trouble. Your kids will hate this game, guaranteed! How can I be so sure? Because everyone hates this game!
I defy you to find a positive review of this game anywhere on the net or in any magazine that wasn't written by an executive at the company that released it. Secondly the game has been given a 16+ age rating, so it's not suitable for children to play anyway. It's impossible to lose yourself in the plot as the acting and voice over work seems to have been done by a computer whose only program requirement is to replicate cliché on command.
This is a small game, which should have had a budget price tag to go with it. Although even as an X-box Live arcade game or PlayStation Network download would fall short. I think back to when Syphon Filter came out on the PS1 and how gripping that expeience was - it captured everything cool about being a spy - if G.I. Joe can't beat a game that is almost 10 years older than it why was it even allowed out of the box?
Here at Game People we're encouraged to talk about how playing the game made us feel rather than the graphic/sound/etc, but sometimes it is really hard to feel anything.
I feel I should at least find one thing good to say about the game but it pains me to do so. The menu screen is kinda cool. I'm genuinely angered at the thought of the hours I wasted wading through this game with no reward other than more torturous dialogue. This game made me feel nothing but anger and that is its biggest fault.
Here at Game People we're encouraged to talk about how playing the game made us feel rather than the graphic/sound/etc, but sometimes it is really hard to feel anything. G.I. Joeis a soulless game that didn't draw me into its world not even for a second.
It was from the moment I turned it on to the moment of relief when I got to put it down a massive let down. Avoid this one and you and your kids will live save the world another day.
With so many different perspectives it can be hard to know where to start - a little like walking into a crowded pub. Sorry about that.
But so far we've not found a way to streamline our review output - there's basically too much of it. So, rather than dilute things for newcomers we have decided to live with the hubbub while helping new readers find the columnists they will enjoy.
Our columnists each focus on a particular perspective and fall into one of the following types of gamers: