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In Today's Scripted Gamer Fred and Bob make airplane noises.
Confused? Listen to the Scripted Gamer Pilot episode to meet our reviewers and hear how it all started that fateful day.
Scene: BOB and FRED are sat on a sofa with two Xbox 360 controllers. Bob is running around with a controller making airplane noises.
Fred: What are you doing?
Bob: Winning the war against terror my friend ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah (in an airport voice) Target neutralised awaiting new orders
Fred: And how exactly are you doing that
Bob: In my bomber, I've just taken out an enemy power station and now my team can commence the bombing of the enemies hideout. (in airport voice) understood, commencing attack
Fred: so I see you've found today's game which for the viewers at home and welcome to scripted gamer by the way is tom Clancy's H.A.W.X 2 which is a flight action game
Bob: Yeah itís well good.
Fred: I'm not so sure you see
Bob: You can fly the plane with your controller...whatís not to like
Fred: of course you use your controller to fly you use your controller for every game
Bob: no you don't get it. The motion thing that the controllers have
Fred: you mean the six axis
Bob: well if you wanna get all technical then yeah what you said. It means that you tilt the controller and the plane tilts
Fred: that sounds kinda cool I suppose, but I'd imagine that that would be quite hard to get to grips with
Bob: if you're a posh idiot maybe but the hardcore gamers like myself itís easy. Besides you can turn it off if you don't like it
Fred: It sounds like just another flying sim to me
Bob: Itís totally not. You can do the story which is epic and involves dogfights, bombings, finding targets, eliminating threats, betrayal. Itís like playing Top Gun! Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Fred: I don't know
Bob: look you know the way you feel about chocolate covered sugar sprinkled pancakes
Fred: well yes i do rather like my pancakes
Bob: Well thatís how I feel about this game!
Fred: You want to eat it all and not share with anyone else?
Bob: Alright itís not exactly how I feel about this game but you know what I mean.
Fred: But when we got the game you thought it was going to be rubbish too
Bob: That is true, I admit. I judged a book by its cover
Fred: Itís a game not a book
Bob: You enjoy being all uppity sometimes don't you?
Fred: a little
Bob: I meant I thought it was gonna be rubbish, I didn't like the cover and I haven't liked a flight sim since ace combat on the ps one. But I was proved wrong. The game is honestly really really good fun
Fred: Well ummm that says it all really doesn't it
Bob: now can I go back to pretending to be in a plane please
Fred: oh ok
Bob: NNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW BOOOOOOOM (airport voice) yes sir I was getting some idiot interference, but itís passed now
Fred: well that told me. Never judge a game by itís cover. We've been the scripted gamers goodnight
With so many different perspectives it can be hard to know where to start - a little like walking into a crowded pub. Sorry about that.
But so far we've not found a way to streamline our review output - there's basically too much of it. So, rather than dilute things for newcomers we have decided to live with the hubbub while helping new readers find the columnists they will enjoy.
Our columnists each focus on a particular perspective and fall into one of the following types of gamers: