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Fred and Bob invent their DC Universe Characters tonight, but find all the best names have been taken.
Confused? Listen to the Scripted Gamer Pilot episode to meet our reviewers and hear how it all started that fateful day.
Scene: Bob and Fred are sat on a sofa with two PS3 controllers . Bob is dressed in an idiotic tight fitting costume.
Bob: He flies through the night with a grace and ease that puts the worlds best acrobats to shame.
Fred: Um Bob?
Bob: Villains fear the shadow that glides through the darkness.
Fred: What are you wearing?
Bob: For they know that when his shadow appears, he won't be far behind.
Fred: Say what now?
Bob: BatBow my character on DC Universe Online.
Fred: That's got to be the stupidest name for a superhero I've ever heard.
Bob: Oh is that right FreddieFreeze.
Fred: How did you know?
Bob: I saw you building your character last night.
Fred: Well my character is allowed to have a stupid name
Bob: And why exactly is that?
Fred: Cos I'm a villain,
Bob: An what difference does that make>
Fred: Villains are allowed stupid names, it makes them even more... villainy.
Fred: That's a word
Bob: So why can't heroes have silly names?
Fred: Heroes have to sound heroic Superman, Wonder Woman, and Oracle.
Bob: Oracle is my guide and Batman is my mentor.
Fred: See my guide is the Calculator and my mentor is Lex Luther. You get Oracle who is named after a mythical prophet. I get Calculator named after a piece of maths equipment.
Bob: That's what you get for being a villain.
Fred: Well BatBow I...I'm sorry but how exactly did you come up with that ridiculous name?
Bob: Well I wanted to be like Batman so I took his look and chose acrobatics and gadgets as my skill set.
Fred: Where as I chose flight and freeezy powers.
Bob: Right, and as my weapon I chose the Bow. Like Green Arrow. And I wanted to call my hero Black Arrow.
Fred: So why didn't you?
Bob: The name was taken so I tried Target.
Bob: Then Bat Arrow, Dark Arrow, even Bat Knight.
Fred: All taken.
Bob: Yes all taken! So all that was left in my head was BatBow.
Fred: Do you kinda wish it had been taken?
Bob: No! It's an awesome name for an awesome hero, I'll have you know I've completed all the main missions.
Fred: Which are so repetitive.
Bob: Totally! And I completed the mentor stuff and I'm now officially a member of the justice league! But get this right. You get to level 30 and you can't get any higher!
Fred: I'm only on level 4
Bob: And the game doesn't end.
Fred: Well it's an online game. Is it meant to end?
Bob: Well I think it should. I'm starting to get bored and the only things I can do now are repeat levels on a harder setting or do these annoying group missions where you have to rely on other chumps not disappearing halfway through.
Fred: You're not really a people person are you Bob?
Bob: BatBow works alone, and FreddieFreeze works at Iceland.
Fred: You wait I'll get you yet BatBow.
Bob: Not at level 4 you won't.
Fred: We've been Scripted Gamers.
Bob: Batman rules.
Fred: Yes Bob, Goodnight.
With so many different perspectives it can be hard to know where to start - a little like walking into a crowded pub. Sorry about that.
But so far we've not found a way to streamline our review output - there's basically too much of it. So, rather than dilute things for newcomers we have decided to live with the hubbub while helping new readers find the columnists they will enjoy.
Our columnists each focus on a particular perspective and fall into one of the following types of gamers: