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Fred and Bob review Harry Potter and the Deathly Boredom as they call it and find it to be more Harry Ramsden than Harry Potter.
Confused? Listen to the Scripted Gamer Pilot episode to meet our reviewers and hear how it all started that fateful day.
Scene: Bob and Fred are sat on a sofa with two PS3 controllers .Bob has a magic wand and is pointing it at the screen.
Fred: Uh Bob.
Bob: Improve graphicus.
Bob: Awesome gameus.
Fred: Bob what are you doing?
Bob: I'm trying to magic up a good game.
Fred: What do you mean we already have a game to review. It's the new Harry Potter game.
Bob: I know. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One.
Fred: Or as I like to call it Harry Potter and the Pointless Cash-in.
Bob: Exactly Fred. It's a bit pants so I'm trying to use Harry's wand to make the game good.
Fred: I think it'll take more than magic I'm afraid Bob, evening ladies and gentlemen todays game is rather poor I'm afraid.
Fred: Indeed it's just not a good game I'm afraid. It's a cover shooter mainly but it's completely full of glitches an bugs!
Bob: It's more Hogfarts than Hogwarts.
Fred: Bob you can't say that.
Bob: I think you'll find Fred that I just did!
Fred: I suppose you did. You see the problem comes from the fact that it's too diluted. It follows the film, which in turn follows the first half of the last book.
Bob: Which follows my hand turning off the console in disgust.
Fred: It seems like they took all the good ideas from other third person cover shooters.
Bob: And ignored them completely.
Fred: Shooting form cover is hard enough with awkward camera angles
Bob: And that's when there is any cover to choose.
Fred: I'm afraid theres not much good to say about it.
Bob: Apparently the x-box version has a Kinect section, but I played in on the ps3 so a fat lot of good that does me!
Fred: So unless your child is a Harry Potter obsessive.
Bob: Avoid this one like the plague! It's more Harry Ramsden than Harry Potter!
Fred: We've been the scripted gamers and we've both agreed for once.
Bob: Good night.
With so many different perspectives it can be hard to know where to start - a little like walking into a crowded pub. Sorry about that.
But so far we've not found a way to streamline our review output - there's basically too much of it. So, rather than dilute things for newcomers we have decided to live with the hubbub while helping new readers find the columnists they will enjoy.
Our columnists each focus on a particular perspective and fall into one of the following types of gamers: