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Writing the song for Yahtzee was the hardest thing I have ever done creatively. If I hadn’t repeatedly promised it to everyone I’m pretty sure I would have given up. Why would anyone in their right mind put themselves up for such a challenge?
The Yahtzee song has been a long time coming. When I made my very first video for The Escapist I watched Yahtzee’s review of The Sims 3. My initial thoughts were; he's satirizing everything in our culture, including the latent misogyny and homophobia, and yet somehow his irony does nothing to challenge it, if anything it re-inforces it. I kept the opinion to myself, but repeatedly came to this conclusion when I watched his videos. I also found him witty, frighteningly intelligent with a charming, wry sense of humour. I felt affection for his ability to find holes in pretty much anything, and elation at his continual pulling down of the corporate megamights.
That said, I also felt RAGE and I wanted to express it. Rage at the way Yahtzee supports a sense of humour that puts women down, and yes he also speaks this way about men, penises, himself etc, the sum total of which for me, is all a rather sad (and hence comedic) statement about where we are culturally. It's a funny and tragic cynicism, and it leaves me wanting the final installment of the story...revolution. Can you imagine that, with Yahtzee at the helm?!
And so my love/hate grew. I knew I had a song a-brewing. Foolishly I told everyone this. When I sat down to write the song the page stayed blank. I tried for a few days, and realised everything that I felt around this (almost game-related) subject was too complex for a song. But it was too late, I'd already promised it to you, and so I bought myself some procrastination time, asked for your help, and happily wrote something else.
Your input was amazing. You had so many ideas and tips and lyrics that I was totally overwhelmed. I wanted to do everything you suggested. I wanted to write a song that incorporated all of it. But I couldn't write this song trying to please. I had to write it for me. So I set about expressing myself as if I would never play it to anyone.
All those pages of ideas and all I could write was ‘Is it ok to be the way that I am?’ I felt panicked. I didn't want to criticise another human being. Why would I do that? I would only do that to be right, better than, feel good about myself. And on the other side of the coin I didn't want to express my true feelings because they included anger - something that has never been easy for me to express. I am a ‘nice’ girl. That is how I get by. People like me. I am easy-going and fun-hearted. Perhaps, I thought, it is time for me to fuck being liked and say what I really think.
I wrote one song after the other, crafting each one from the last, I pruned and chopped, turning words over themselves, laughing and crying. I wanted to reflect everything of the journey I had taken within the song itself. I wanted it to be a total reflection of everything I was thinking, contradictory as that might be.
And then there was the music. How does one cross The Beatles with the Zero Punctuation theme tune? For some reason I had my heart set on this combination. The whole time I had this knot in my stomach. I had no idea how it would go down. I thought Yahtzee fans might hire assassins. For my series, if not for me.
And then there was the video. I had half a mind to ask Yahtzee to do it for me, which may have been pushing it. It was actually really fun. I spent a week and a sleepless night cutting out stick wo/men. My eyes developed a default yellow background setting.
And then, I waited...
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