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In Today's Scripted Gamer Fred and Bob discuss heroes, villains and really bad jokes
Confused? Listen to the Scripted Gamer Pilot episode to meet our reviewers and hear how it all started that fateful day.
Scene: We join Bob and Fred on a stage with a sofa on it. They enter, Bob dressed in a cowboy outfit and sit down to pick up their 360 controllers.
Bob: Good evening ladies and gentlemen today we are going to be looking at a game about the greatest super hero ever.
Bob: Excuse me?
Fred: I said PFFFT.
Bob: And what pre tell does Pffft mean?
Fred: It means that the superhero you refer to is not the greatest super hero!
Bob says nothing but walks over to the side of the stage, takes out a Tupperware box with a fish inside, opens the box, takes out the fish walks over to Fred and slaps him across the face with the fish.
Fred stands there.
Bob returns the fish to its box walks back over to the sofa, and sits down
Bob: In the past Batman, the best super hero ever has not been treated well by the video game community.
Fred: You hit me with a fish!
Bob: But Arkham Asylum brings us a game that is just as exciting as the film, animated and comic versions of the dark knight's exploits.
Fred: I smell like haddock!!
Bob: Imagine being in an insane Asylum on an island completely cut off from humanity and you get the atmosphere of Arkham. You control Batman and guide him through the Asylum in pursuit of his deadliest enemy, 'The Joker'.
Fred: So I'm not allowed an opinion now, is that it?
Bob: On the way you'll uncover his plan whilst fighting an array of henchmen and Batman villains such as Scarecrow, Harley Quinn, Bane, Killer Croc, and be tested by the 'Riddler' who leaves all sorts of clues for you to find.
Fred: I liked the game Bob. It was really good
Bob: Awesome... it was awesome
Fred: Yeah alright it was awesome.
Fred: But I take issue with the fact that you claim that Batman is the greatest Super hero ever
Bob: Iím walking to the box!
Fred: Now don't go over there again, let me make my point.
Bob: Iím picking up the box!
Fred: He's not even a real Super Hero he has no super powers so how can he be super!
Bob: Iím opening the box!
Bob: You see, you need to understand something Fred. Your points are falling on deaf ears. I could go on about how you don't need super powers to be a super hero. How your actions alone are what defines your status as 'super'. I could give you the top 100 reasons why Batman is greater than Superman/Spiderman or whatever hero you could come up with to pit against him. I could do that, but instead to save time for you me and the viewer I choose to end our argument like this.
Fred: But that's ridicul...
Bob slaps him with the fish again
Fred: You did it again.
Bob: Indeed and I shall continue to do it until you concede.
Fred: And what if I don't conc...
Bob slaps him with the fish again
Fred: OK OK, Batman is the greatest superhero ever.
Bob: And now he's in the greatest superhero based game ever.
Fred: I can genuinely agree with that one, the Spiderman games don't even come close!
Bob: And so it's settled. Batman: Arkham Asylum is a first rate third person action adventure game that gives you so much to do and discover you'll be playing it for months.
Fred: BUT SUPERMAN IS THE BETTER HERO.
Bob: You best run away, this fish has your name on it! We've been the scripted gamers.
With so many different perspectives it can be hard to know where to start - a little like walking into a crowded pub. Sorry about that.
But so far we've not found a way to streamline our review output - there's basically too much of it. So, rather than dilute things for newcomers we have decided to live with the hubbub while helping new readers find the columnists they will enjoy.
Our columnists each focus on a particular perspective and fall into one of the following types of gamers: