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In our Christmas special of Scripted Gamer, Fred and Bob take Mr Bond to task.
Confused? Listen to the Scripted Gamer Pilot episode to meet our reviewers and hear how it all started that fateful day.
Scene: Bob and Fred are sat on a sofa with a Wii Controller and a 360 controller
Fred:: Good evening, welcome to a special edition of scripted gamer
Bob:: (Bob: is humming the james bond theme tune)
Fred:: Today we are pitting two James Bond games head to head against each other and seeing which one will be 007
Bob:: and which one will be 00 doh doh doh Iím sorry but the number you dialled has not been recognised please hang up and try again.
Fred:: so Iíve been playing 007: Blood Stone on the 360
Bob:: And Iíve been playing the far superior 007 Goldeneye on the Nintendo Wii
Fred:: You canít say that, thatís putting a big bias on your opinion
Bob:: Thatís because I am bias Fred:. My game rocks and your game sucks
Bob:: Me no sucky, you sucky
Fred:: what do you mean?
Bob:: how else can I put this. My game is sean connery and your game is George Lazenby
Fred:: Iíll have you know that george Lazenby was a great Bon...
Bob:: Let me stop you there Fred:, you see. No 1: George Lazenby was a model and not an actor and he proved that on what is universally considered the worst bond film ever! No 2 I have been playing an update of Ďgoldeneyeí correct?
Fred:: well yes that is true
Bob:: And Goldeneye is seen by many, nay most people as the game that defined the modern first person shooter
Fred:: well yes the original Goldeneye
Bob:: and as the update or homegey
Fred:: homa what?
Bob:: Homagey it means youíre paying respect to the original
Fred:: oh you mean homage
Bob:: No I mean homagey, Iím not French Fred:!
Fred:: oh good grief
Bob:: So my game right keeps all the good bits of the original
Fred:: like what?
Bob:: like the harder the difficulty the more objectives there are to do, so itís worth playing through again as there are new things to do
Fred:: well my game
Bob:: and if you play it on 007 classic mode you go proper old school and have to pick up body armour and stuff
Fred:: ok but in my game
Bob:: and the multiplayer is well fun
Fred:: Iím sure it is but in Blood Stone
Bob:: and best of all you can use the wiimote,or if youíre feeling retro the classic controller, or even the gamecube controller!
Fred:: Yes but my game
Fred:: WILL YOU LET ME SPEAK YOU STUPID LITTLE INGRATE
Bob:: well that wasnít very nice now was it
Fred:: Oh now Bob: címon
Bob:: No itís ok you say what you gotta say
Fred:: Now you know I didnít mean it, but you kept interrupting me
Bob:: I just got so excited about the game. Goldeneye is flipping awesome
Fred:: Well then let me tell you that all those things you said about goldeneye
Fred:: Do not apply to blood stone!
Fred:: to put it bluntly, itís rubbish. And there arnt many games I count as rubbish but this is definitely one!
Bob:: Wow, whatís wrong with it!
Fred:: Well for one thing the campaign takes less than 5 hours to get through!, and Iím not willing to shell out 40 quid for a 5 hour game. The multiplayer is average but itís always going to lose out to the first person multiplayers
Bob:: So my game wins just like I said
Fred:: it certainly does Bob:! For once the wii is triumphant
Bob:: Goldeneye is licence to thrill
Fred:: and bloodstone is licence to bin!
Bob: and Fred:: Weíve been the scripted gamers goodnight.
With so many different perspectives it can be hard to know where to start - a little like walking into a crowded pub. Sorry about that.
But so far we've not found a way to streamline our review output - there's basically too much of it. So, rather than dilute things for newcomers we have decided to live with the hubbub while helping new readers find the columnists they will enjoy.
Our columnists each focus on a particular perspective and fall into one of the following types of gamers: