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Fred is so taken with Enslaved that he breaks into song, with a little help from Bob.
Confused? Listen to the Scripted Gamer Pilot episode to meet our reviewers and hear how it all started that fateful day.
Scene: Bob and Fred are sat on a sofa with two PS3 controllers. Fred has a strange device attached to his head
Fred: Hello good evening and welcome to Scripted Gamer, I'm Fred.
Bob: And I'm Bob and each week we look at a game that has captured our imaginations.
Fred: Or horrified us into a state of shock.
Bob: Some games you'll have heard about.
Fred: Whilst others will have fallen under your radar.
Bob: Cos you either missed the buzz, or you just weren't listening now were you.
Bob: Exactly Fred...exactly. Today's game is Enslaved on the PlayStation 3.
Fred: Which is a third person roaming adventure that put you in control of a very acrobatic young man called Monkey.
Bob: Bit of a stupid name really!
Bob: Monkey, you may as well of named im Chaffinch, or Platypus.
Fred: I think they called him that because, you know, he swings around, like a Monkey.
Bob: That makes sense, it'd be a bit hard for a platypus to swing around in trees. Chaffinches can fly though so they wouldn't need to swing really would they.
Fred: Bob, what are you talking about?
Bob: Just saying is all.
Fred: Can we get back to the game please.
Bob: So right you got this Monkey character helping out this other girl with a stupid name.
Fred: Her name is Trip.
Bob: And I suppose she's called that cos she falls over a lot?
Fred: Possibly, but you see she's got anxiety issues (no doubt stemming from an absent father) as she attaches a device to monkeys head.
Bob: And if he doesn't do what she says he is hit with a burst of pain. It's like cool mind control and with that in mind today on scripted gamer we bring you a first. Our very first rapped review.
Fred: What? You're going to rap?
Bob: No Fred. You're going to rap.
Fred: And why would I do that?
Bob: "Command, stand up."
Fred: What, what are you doing?
Bob: "Command, take the mike."
Fred: You put a headset on me didn't you?
Bob: Indeed I did
Fred: Now you just hold on a second.
Bob: Ladies and gents I give you for your pleasure
Bob: MC Posh and his rap review
Bob: "Command, rap!"
Hey hey hey, You see I got out my disc and put it in my ps3, just another lonely evening with my console and me. So I slam in Enslaved and the as the screen loads up I pop off into the kitchen and roll myself a cup. By the time I got back the game was ready to go, so I press the start button and I go with the flow. Yo y'know this game is pretty fly, I'm swinging round the landscape and trying not to die. And when the robot hordes try to get up in my grill, my skills send their circuits flying all over the hill. This game is kinda like Prince of Persia on speed, with a pretty decent plot and a very constant need, to improve itself with clever bosses, plot and play. I'd recommend this game so I'm doing that today. go get it it's good, it's cheap and it's fun, my name is MC Freddy and this rap is clearly done. Peace!
Bob: That was amazing!
Fred: Well I'm not happy that you forced me to do it, but it ...it was rather good wasn't it.
Bob: And it rhymed!
Fred: I know right!
Bob: Well ladies and gents there you have it MC Posh.
Bob: Whatever, with his rendition of Enslaved in the Membrane! We've been the scripted gamers goodnight.
With so many different perspectives it can be hard to know where to start - a little like walking into a crowded pub. Sorry about that.
But so far we've not found a way to streamline our review output - there's basically too much of it. So, rather than dilute things for newcomers we have decided to live with the hubbub while helping new readers find the columnists they will enjoy.
Our columnists each focus on a particular perspective and fall into one of the following types of gamers: