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In Today's Scripted Gamer Fred and Bob go ice skating, or something like that.
Confused? Listen to the Scripted Gamer Pilot episode to meet our reviewers and hear how it all started that fateful day.
Scene: Bob and Fred are sat on a sofa with two PS3 controllers . Bob looks very bored
Fred: Well....you can't say we didn't try
Bob: That is very true
Fred: we gave it a good chance
Bob: that we did
Fred: but I'm afraid there is no denying the fact
Bob: ice skating robots are cool!
Bob: ice skating robots are cool!
Fred: excuse me?
Bob: ICE SKATING ROBOTS....
Fred: No I heard you fine but what are you talking about? There is no ice in this weeks game
Fred: Yes this weeks game! I thought you were going to say something about it.
Bob: well what did you think I was going to say?
Fred: That this weeks game is just not that good, good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to scripted gamer today's game is front mission evolved
Bob: More like backwards mission devolved
Bob: what! it is devolved
Fred: hmm front mission evolved is a third person robot avatar game where you play a character that sits in and controls a giant robot who can walk, hover
Bob: ice skate!
Fred: No Bob it doesn't ice skate
Bob: well it should
Fred: and fire multiple weapons
Bob: Which would be fine if it wasn't dull as dishwater
Bob: Well it is. There are tons of other games that have done the same kinda thing but much much better
Fred: for example
Bob: well lost planet for one and not even the 2nd one. The first one which was an alright game, but even that which was released donkeys years ago is better than this
Fred: why exactly?
Bob: cos it had an ice skating robot! Which is just cool
Fred: Well it would be wouldn't it
Fred: It would be...cool ha ha
Bob: Say again?
Fred: It would be cool
Bob: I'm not sure I follow...
Fred: Because itís skating on ice you idiot. It was a joke for goodness sake
Bob: How about you leave the funny bits to me mate alright, you haven't got the whole comic timing thing down quite yet
Fred: I'll have you know I can be incredibly funny
Bob: of course you can mate, so like I was saying games like lost planet and transformers even are just better games and this one is soooooooo repetitive
Fred: I am funny
Bob: I know you are mate. It just goes on and on. Fight a few robots and tanks and then fight a boss robot, upgrade, move on do it all again. Bored ,bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored!
Fred: Man Walks into a bar.....ouch ha haa
Bob: ohh you try so hard
Fred: Horse walks into the bar. Barman says ďwhy the long faceĒ
Bob: So to sum it up unless you live and breathe for this genre of game....avoid it. Itís just not good
Fred: In fact I'd go as far as to say itís a bit....... robotic
Bob: oh mate that was bad even by your standards
Fred: It was funny
Bob: We've been the scripted gamers
With so many different perspectives it can be hard to know where to start - a little like walking into a crowded pub. Sorry about that.
But so far we've not found a way to streamline our review output - there's basically too much of it. So, rather than dilute things for newcomers we have decided to live with the hubbub while helping new readers find the columnists they will enjoy.
Our columnists each focus on a particular perspective and fall into one of the following types of gamers: