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Here is my musical review of Resident Evil 5 on the 360, I've called it 'Don't Shoot Them'.
You don't scare me Resident Evil 5 even though I'm a girl with light blue eyes, in the dark playing till morning light, watching blood oozing from zombie eyes
You don't impress me Resident Evil 5 even though your graphics are bona fide And Chris' arms and Sheva's boobs blow my mind This is nothing more than shooting zombie hide
It's not their fault don't shoot them, try to hug them and hold them instead It's not their fault, if you love them they will be your zombie pets
You don't win me over Resident Evil 5 even though playing co-op can be nice And the AI can hold her own in a fight, I'm still shooting zombies like it's alright
It's not their fault don't shoot them, try to hug them and hold them instead It's not their fault, you should love them even though you might end up dead
They just need to be loved, they just need a lover's touch, they just need to be loved
With so many different perspectives it can be hard to know where to start - a little like walking into a crowded pub. Sorry about that.
But so far we've not found a way to streamline our review output - there's basically too much of it. So, rather than dilute things for newcomers we have decided to live with the hubbub while helping new readers find the columnists they will enjoy.
Our columnists each focus on a particular perspective and fall into one of the following types of gamers: